Hello, everyone! Happy New Year!! 

    I don't really have anything profound to say or share but just wanted to share some art I've been making lately and a little bit about each piece. I've shared some of them in therapy already and wanted to expand on that a bit. If you follow me on socials some of this might look familiar :) The last few weeks have been tough, I won't lie. Christmas was challenging (I'm not a fan of Christmas ever) and in early January I found out I didn't get a job I was really, really, really hoping for and dreaming about. I'm embarrassed to admit how devastating this has been. I've also ended an important relationship which has been painful and I'm dealing with some problems with my skin that are making me very miserable. (The rash and itching are constant and even with treatment will last another few weeks, it's been awful). I've had a lot of family stuff related to grandparents passing and aging and adjusting to their new cognitive status. Financially I'm a little more stressed than I like to be and I'm trying to trust the universe to bring just 1-2 more clients in private practice. (Obviously I'm not just leaving it up to the universe to do all the work, I'm doing what I can to network and connect with referral sources and potential clients). My various trainings (Mindfulness and Somatic Experiencing) are in dormant periods for January and February which is nice. It all starts back up again in March. 

    These two are really simple and have no emotional or psychological underpinnings. Basically they just reminded me that when I sit down to make art it doesn't have to be this big, serious, emotional thing that I'm working on. I can just experiment with shapes and colors and just enjoy the process without having to reach some outcome or capture or communicate anything. It was a helpful reminder. I think sometimes I limit my art making to therapy-related only and this was a reminder that it can just be for fun. 

    This one I partially did while in Oklahoma City visiting a bestie for her birthday and did the rest at home. When I think about my therapist the phrase "I am nothing to you" often comes to mind. It's always felt like there's something waiting to be expressed after that but I never know what it is. In OKC I finally heard it, and the part that's been missing is "and you are everything to me." We (me and my therapist) haven't talked about this yet. She knows I often say and think that I'm nothing to her, but I haven't told her about the second part yet. Just waiting for this to come up again I guess? There's been so much other stuff to talk about because I have a lot going on so this just hasn't been a priority. 

    Since I basically have been sewing manically for a few months now I've collected quite a bit of fabric and scraps. I'm trying to be as low-waste as possible just in general I wanted to find something to do with the scraps. So I put together this landscape using fusible interfacing and then sewed the pieces down after fusing. It's a little bigger than a 12in x 12in and is all quilting cotton and I actually love it. I'm excited to make more of these! 

    I started this one in early January and didn't finish it until about a week ago which is unlike me. I just didn't feel compelled to finish it I guess? Not sure. It's a mixed media piece where I used acrylic paint markers, magazine cuttings, water soluble pastels, fabric, and a fabric applique. Oh and pieces of a plastic shopping bag I've been saving, haha. In the previous drawing where the "world" is resting on my shoulders it's really overwhelming but in this one it feels less so, especially with the lungs also pictured. It makes me feel more like I'm breathing in the world? I'm not sure, something like that. I have no idea what the "you give me butterflies" is about but I liked the way it looked so I left it on there. The "O" applique is the initial of someone important to me. 

    This one I made for therapy. I never title my pieces but this one is titled "Locked up girl doesn't need any help." I was just feeling all locked up. There was so much to talk about and I couldn't find a way in to any of it. I tried several times to journal about how to start and make art about it and I only ended up frustrated. Finally it occurred to me to just make art about how I was feeling about my feelings and then this happened. My intention was for the head to be sort of combination lock or type of lock with a dial that you might see on a safe or something. It occurred to me that it looks more like an eye which is interesting. My therapist was all over this one. It was interesting, I guess the symbolism of the locks really struck her? As you can see I'm getting a lot out of this cross-arms, cross-legged pose. 

    Lately on pinterest I've been collecting images that inspired the 2 pieces above. Bright colors, "busy-ness," lots of various shapes and small and large details occupying the entire page. These are on 8in x 8in watercolor paper and done with acrylic paint markers which I'm loving right now. These were also kinda just for fun, I've been following this style of image for a few weeks and was finally ready to give it a go. It's interesting how there are kind of stages to it. Like first I cover the page with a few base colors and then I start adding in the layers of details. It's hard to know when to stop and when to keep going. I had a professor in grad school that used to say "it's not done 'til it's overdone" and I just really love that, especially for this style! 

I'm saving the most vulnerable one for last. If you know me you know I have to work up to the bigger stuff. 

     So for the last, I don't know, forever basically I've had this plan for what I should talk about in each therapy session and then when I get into the session I sort of freeze up and feel like the plans that my past-self made for me are entirely too vulnerable for my current self. I often wonder what the heck she was thinking, actually. For years I've been trying to figure out how to bridge this gap between what I plan to bring up versus what actually can come up. I've grown and little tired and frustrated from this fight and have been considering some more dramatic measures to help with this. One thing that came up was using the couch, or laying down in sessions while I talk. Yes, like a psychoanalysand. I researched this before approaching my therapist (who is an analysis candidate) and read some interesting stuff. The most helpful thing that I read was an article titled "The Couch As Icon" from The Psychoanalytic Review. I'll link the pdf here if you are interested. It was a great read and addressed almost all of the concerns I had. A shorter, less dense read is this Psychology Today article which is how I got to "The Couch as Icon" is linked here. I could do a whole post on my thoughts and process with the idea of laying down during therapy but I'll spare you on that one. For now, lol. I can see it maybe coming up in the future. Anyway, I did the above piece about laying down during therapy and some of the things that that idea brought up for me. 

    Given everything I have going on I actually moved to twice a week therapy and that feels a lot better. It's expensive more than financially (although financially it's definitely a bit of a burden), I am more tired and have a little less capacity on therapy days which is hard. I believe it's worth it, I'm just pointing out that it is also hard. 

    Welp, that's all my art and all my updates. I hope everyone had a good holiday season and the beginning of your year has been okay. I nailed down my professional goals for 2025 in Novemberish but I'm dragging on what I want to accomplish personally this year. I'm feeling overwhelmed. For that reason I've decided my year will begin around Valentine's Day :) 

Wishing you peace and ease,

Veronica