Hello, everyone!
I hope Spring is being kind to everyone! Minus some pretty scary storms it's actually been a lovely spring here in STL, though I fear it's almost over as the temps are gradually (and some days not so gradually) creeping up.
About one month ago I was scrolling instagram and I came across a call for research participants that I thought sounded interesting. An art therapy grad student in Maryland is doing her thesis research on substance-use related deaths and was looking for people who have specifically had that type of loss. The timing was interesting as my Dad's anniversary was nearby and thus on my mind and it had been occurring to me that I needed to talk about his death more and be more open etc. I decided to join the project because I was interested, curious, and looking for community around this experience. (Not to mention I remember extremely well what it's like to be writing a thesis and need research participants). It's a photovoice project so that means that each participant submitted three photos that were to capture/communicate what your experience was with grief following a substance related death and/or something you wish other people knew about your experience of grief following a substance-related death. After everyone submitted their photos and captions we all met on zoom to discuss and categorize the photos according to theme. That was yesterday and it was really interesting.
I decided to write this post as a way to share my three photos with all of you as well as have some additional space to process themes I found between my three pics.
Here are the three pictures and captions I wrote for each one:
I came across this tree in the park that I regularly take walks in. The extensive branch network made me think of the human nervous system and also of grief. There are so many twists and turns in grief, so many split paths and off-shoots. I was also drawn to the metaphor that this tree appears to be dead but is surrounded by life, something about that resonated with my grief journey as at times I feel like the world around me is thriving and lush and I am dead and hollow.
I took this photograph while on a walk in a park that I regularly walk in. For reasons that I can't express verbally, this photo captures parts of my grief. The vastness and emptiness soothe the parts of me that yearn for my Dad. There also appears to be something about life beyond death but I would have to give it more thought in order to articulate the notion more fully.
This photo was taken in the Caribbean Sea in November of 2023. At first glance I thought this was the sun, but given the time of day and other factors it is in fact the moon being lit by the sun. This really resonated with me because it's not often, if ever, that the sun and the moon appear interchangeable. In the first moments when I learned of my Dad's passing I felt my world turn upside down. This photo captures that moment to me because the confusion is similar: which is the sun and which is the moon? Which way is up and which is down?
My therapist and I made this together in like 2020ish. |
Mountains and valleys painted with coffee, Spring 2022. |
"The Stories We Crave" Watercolor Resist, Spring 2022. |